I have been a father for the past sixteen years, but there are those precious moments, those awakening instances in which one of my children will say or do something that makes my role more real. In those moments, I feel as if I swallowed a tablespoon of wasabi paste. My whole being opens up, and I feel my connection to God, to the fatherhood of God.
Today, my 3-year old asked me to help her with her second outfit. I use second because she already had on an aqua-blue ballerina skirt. She wanted her plaid dress put over the skirt because…well, I do not know. (Her sense of style and fashion have not been influenced by television and magazines yet. We just got her to the point where she accepts that two socks of the same color do really match.) As I began to pull the dress over her head, I realized that she had been playing around without her shirt. It is a constant battle (one she usually wins) to get the girl to keep her clothes on. It is common to see one of us chasing down her tiny, brown booshi-booshi with a pair of panties in hand. I told myself I would talk with her about keeping her clothes on.
I pulled the dress over her head and I was met with the biggest, moistest, glittering eyes I had ever seen. Those eyes moved me. They awakened me to my role, and spoke to my heart. They spoke well beyond her limited toddler vocabulary. They said, “Daddy, I trust you.”
The day will come when she will guard her body and keep it wrapped and covered. One other man (I pray) will look upon her body, and the two of them will share a different kind of precious moment. But to me is given the responsibility and honor of protecting and clothing that tiny body of hers in our moments. I look at her, and I see an angel, and those eyes with all that trust, empower me and strengthen my resolve to protect her from all the devils in the world. I will hold her for that one man, that future love of her life, and I will give him her hand so that he can continue what I started.
There are men out in the world who would do her harm because of their evil and sick licentiousness. I cannot say that I understand the spirit that drives those men, but I do understand the spirit that drives me to guard her from them. I love my daughter, as I love all my children, and I will protect them with the same fierceness with which God protects me.
I am a father, and my daughter trusts me.
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Keith,
Though I dread those days (six kids to experience it with), I truly look forward to them. To see them grow and become independent adults is fascinating. However, I believe they will always be my little kids…even in their 40′s and 50′s. I hope your daughter has a great experience in school, and I know she will never forget daddy. Take care.
Michael
Hi Michael
Came over from Barbara’s Blogging Without a Blog to see what you blog about.
I can understand your post totally.
Being a parent is a double edged sword. My daughter is eighteen now and in the next few months she will be off to university. Obviously I have mixed feelings… pride in what she is doing and sadness that she is leaving us.
Who’d be a parent, who’d be a parent?